A couple weeks ago I was watching a horror movie (and may I digress for just a moment to say that horror movies don’t really impress me much anymore? One has to be pretty darn good to be ‘scary’.) and I thought about some of the lessons or truisms to be learned from these movies. I posted some of them on Facebook but later I wrote them down to post them on my blog. Plus, this would be a good opportunity for others to contribute their own.
I know, if you search, this is not a new topic, but always a fun one to bring up from time to time.
So, in no particular order:
1. When on an outing with friends either camping in the woods or at a remote cabin, never go off with your significant other to have sex. You probably won’t reach the climax alive.
2. Never send one person outside to investigate the ‘strange’ noise heard or to check on the backup generator or the basement fusebox. You’ll be seeing that person’s head on the rail post or body hanging from a tree later.
3. Never read in bed alone. (This one from my dad.) Always noises from under the bed, from the closet, out in the hall or a shadowy form seen passing the doorway.
4. Never open the medicine cabinet door or the refrigerator. Because there will always be something/someone next to you or behind you when you close the door.
5. In the bathroom, never bend over to spit toothpaste or wash your face because there will be the scary thing’s reflection in the mirror when you come back up. (Or, actually from the mirror itself.)
6. When trying to escape from the psycho killer by car, you will never hit the ignition hole on the first try.
7. When you finally get the key inserted, the engine will never start on the first three or four attempts. This also holds true if you are trying to escape on a motorcycle.
8. Never swerve or stop when the big bad is standing in the road while driving away.
9. Bullets never kill any big bad. Knives and axes won’t either. The only thing to truly work is beheading. (Although Halloween: Resurrection proved that even then you may have killed the wrong baddie.)
10. Children in horror movies: always scary bad.
11. Never look under the bed. Nothing is ever there. It’s when you look back up you’ll see it.
12. Make sure you have fresh batteries in the flashlight.
13. Never investigate the secret room discovered. Nothing ever good results.
14. Never run upstairs away from the big baddie. Two outcomes: You’ll wind up dead or have to jump out the window.
15. Almost never since Psycho has taking a shower a bad thing. The problems occur when you leave the shower to: investigate the strange noise, prepare for sex, etc. (See how some of these overlap?)
16. Usually the weapon you carry when trying to protect yourself will be used against you.
17. Sometimes, not all who were killed were actually killed. In other words, are you sure about the friends around you?
18. Cops always die. (Unless they’re the killers.)
19. Never run into a cornfield to avoid the killer. There is no escape. (For the most part, this also holds true for the woods.)
20. When running from the killer, never trust the next house you come to. The person/people inside are associated with/are the killer, have already been killed, or will soon die.
So, there are twenty for your entertainment. Any others you’d care to share?